You and Serena van der Woodsen are "frenemies." What is something Serena has that you don't?

Terrible taste in men? No, really, Serena van der Woodsen is my nearest and dearest friend. I love her like a sister. She may be tall, blonde and totally irresistible to everybody, but that doesn't mean I am jealous of her at all. Besides, look who is being interviewed for Forbes and who isn't ...

Dan and Jenny ... Dan and Jenny ... No, never heard of them.

The romantic relationship you've been trying to establish with Chuck Bass, the extremely wealthy and arrogant son of business tycoon Bartholomew Bass, recently went up in flames. What did Chuck do to ruin what could have been a great match?

Excuse me, the relationship I'm trying to establish? Chuck Bass is the one obsessed with me, not the other way around. This is Forbes--don't you guys have fact-checkers?

A series of detentions led to you being rejected by Yale, the only school you applied to. Why were you confident you would get into Yale?

Well, I was right to be confident--I did get into Yale. As for their change of heart, obviously Yale has made a huge mistake. If you must know, people had been saying for a while that Yale was slipping, and I didn't want to believe it. I think my situation proves that those rumors are true.

Nate Archibald's ex-girlfriend, struggling artist and barista Vanessa Abrams, recently compared herself to you. Do you agree imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?

Vanessa. Ew. I wish she would imitate me. But sadly the best she could ever hope to be is a cheap knock-off. The Forever 21 to my Prada. I feel bad for her. I really do. If she dropped dead I would totally participate in a moment of silence.

Is there anybody out there that you just nakedly envy?

No.

Some say you have a faint British accent. Do you fake that to sound more sophisticated?

It's the result of good breeding and excellent locution. You could stand some of that yourself.

What's with all the brooding?

I don't know what you're talking about. Next question.

You've made quite the swift transformation from misogynist to monogamist. How do you counter the critics who claim you've gone soft?

I don't need to counter critics. I'm Chuck Bass.

You decided to forgo a college degree to earn your first billion. Is Chuck Bass the next Donald Trump?

Donald who?

What do you say to all the people who say you've only gotten this far because your last name is Bass?

I don't speak to people I don't know.

You recently announced plans to convert a Lower East Side homeless shelter into high-end condos. Since when does a Bass operate below 57th Street?

Are you really asking that question? I'm growing tired. Would you please freshen my drink?

With everything you and your friends have been through--the lies, the manipulations, the Ponzi schemes--no one would be surprised if you've developed "trust issues." Who do you trust?

I trust myself. I trust my friends. I trust that money solves most problems.

Forbes recently interviewed Blair Waldorf. She had this to say: "Chuck Bass is the one obsessed with me, not the other way around." Discuss.

No.

Speaking of whom, it seems you've finally dropped the bad boy act and made a bid on love. Any wedding bells in the foreseeable future?

I'm 18 years old. This is New York, not Nebraska.

Dan Humphrey couldn't handle Vanessa and Olivia at once. Is it that he's just an amateur? What do you know about women that other boys, er, men your age don't?

How to find the 'H' spot.

After a far too long absense, our favorite younger brother has finally returned to the UES.  In case you forgot, Eric van der Woodsen was doing an immersion program in Tokyo.  If you’re Facebook friends with him, then you probably already know about all the antics he got into.  If you’re not then I’ll fill you in.  If FB pictures and status updates indicate anything then let’s just say Eric definitely had some Japanese flings.  Good for him!  Though I doubt they’ll really amount to anything since Japan is some 6,760 miles away.  But all we can hope for is that it helped E get over what’s his name.